I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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