I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
