yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
