Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
