If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
