Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
