I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He better not be in your backpack
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
