At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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