Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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