and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
