do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize