You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
