i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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