So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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