I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
