YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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