This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
