I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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