he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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