Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
