Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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