I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
