It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize