well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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