Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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