Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
