remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
