"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
