I wannas sexs uuuuu
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
