Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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