well I can't set my house on fire every night
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
