you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
