fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
