my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
