She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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