Don't make out with my wife yet
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
