Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
