We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
NoShamevember. You game?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
