On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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