Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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