We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
