mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize