I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so let's talk penis.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
