thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
