I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am midnight drunk by noon
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
