I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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