I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
