you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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