so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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