do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
