soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
