You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
