Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
