He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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