I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
