did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize