I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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