i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
