who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
