Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
