His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
