summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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