the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize