i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
