I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
