Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize