and next time when you feel me up, do it right
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
