PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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