I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
