so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
