if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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