I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
