mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
