i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
false alarm. still invincible.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
