There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
