Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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