I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
