Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
