did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
