I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
