I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
