Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
