So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
