there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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