ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
