I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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