Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
