There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
