if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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