I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
