im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
