with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize