let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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