She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
