my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
