I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
