her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
