Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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