she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
