you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
