i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
