i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
