So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
