Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
