Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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