He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
