Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize