There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had to cum in my sink.
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