2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
