Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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