Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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