We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
